Why Not To Take A Vacation
by Avenging Neko
Summary: Alucard remembers why he stopped having Childe when he (is forced to) takes Seras traveling.


_**Why Not To Take A Vacation**_

**_Ketti:_ **So, I'm sure none of you are remotely surprised that this update is not for any current story. (I counted, technically I only have eight unfinished story-stories), and JuJu and Lithi know that I've got a good ten or twenty I haven't even posted yet. I'm trying to finish them before showing y'all any new story-stories. This one has a planned chapter two later on, when JuJu makes me write it. I'm trying to make myself be productive and finish more of my unposted one shots first before attempting to add more to the unposted stories, or the posted ones... I have Kettipox, it's a contagious irreversible condition I've given to JuJu that makes your muse have ADD, each pox dot is a new story. If you actually read this entire note, have a cookie. :D *heartsymbol*

* * *

Seras yawned, battling against the call of the night as she burrowed deeper into her pillow. Her pillow felt rather lumpy, though, and she grimaced. "Nng… too early…"

Her pillow moved as her Master's scornful laughter nearly deafened her, "If you're going to sleep the whole way, I am tempted to change you into an animal, or a child, you'll be easier to deal with if you're smaller."

Seras cracked an eye open to stare balefully up at her Sire, the whites of her eyes looking terribly bloodshot, "You're so mean, Master."

"And you're missing all the sights," he mocked, pointing out the window of the plane, "we went through all this trouble scheduling this godforsaken trip to arrive at night, and you're not even looking."

Seras moaned pitifully and pulled herself upright to stare out the window, seeing nothing at first until she blinked a few times to clear her fuzzy vision. Then she sighed happily at the sight of the stares reflected off the water below them. They were on a personal trip, something about meeting one of her Master's old friends in the Americas, and their first stop was Florida. Seras couldn't wait to run around on the beach! The stories about the warm coastal waters excited her.

"Don't forget the crocodiles and sharks." Alucard interrupted gleefully, "there's plenty of those, too."

Seras made a face at him and slumped back into her seat, "I'm hungry."

"Which is why you were supposed to eat before getting on the plane, childe. Walter and I did warn you."

Seras pouted, "I wasn't hungry then."

Alucard rolled his eyes, "Most stubborn… When we finally get you to drink the blood you eat like a cat-" "I thought the phrase was eat like a bird?" "-don't interrupt me," he growled, cuffing her lightly and she winced, rubbing at her head, "If you ate like a bird you'd be gorging yourself every evening, humans have the strangest comparisons. Eating like a bird indeed. You'll get some food when we land, you spoiled thing."

Seras sighed, but nodded, and leaned back against her Master's side. There weren't many people on this flight, surprisingly, so the Draculina had no one else to talk to. Except maybe a stewardess, but they were so busy, she didn't want to be a bother.

The red clad menace patted her head condescendingly and she rumbled with am amused purr-growl before closing her eyes to doze a little longer, just until they landed.

"Police Girl," he shook her roughly and she squawked as she nearly toppled out of her seat. Shaking herself vigorously she untangled her legs from the tiny blanket she'd been given, and stood to pull her carryon down from the luggage compartment. The bag, having shifted in flight, nearly fell on her head until a gloved hand caught it centimeters above her face followed by a scornful masculine laugh. Grimacing and bobbing her head gratefully to her Master, she swung the satchel up over her shoulder with ease, as it wasn't even half as heavy as Harkonnen even a human could carry it. (Probably.) Well! A girl needed her things; some extra clothes, a spare pair of combat boots, her toothbrush, some handguns, a couple thermoses full of chilled blood, her iPod and headphones, extra sunglasses… You know, the standard vacation stuff.

The Draculina grinned wryly as she considered what a big to do it would be if airport security had any idea what was in those thermoses or specially treated cases with her small firearms. Good thing Hellsing thought ahead! Her Master, travelling far lighter, merely grabbed his briefcase from the overhead compartment and lead the way out of the plane and into the airport proper where they went through a speedier process of customs the second time through. Once free, Seras ran up to the nearest window and pressed her face against the glass to stare into the horizon where she knew the beach waited.

"Can we?"

Alucard grunted, then nodded, and his fledgling squealed with excitement, bouncing eagerly and drawing many an eye with her jiggling cleavage. Flushing a bit at the attention, she stepped closer to her Master, hiding her flaming cheeks in his red coat. He draped a possessive arm over her shoulder as they walked through the crowded terminal to freedom, where he hustled them onto a departing shuttle bus to the downtown section. Squished uncomfortably close between her Sire and a snoring woman, the Draculina edged further onto her Master's lap.

When they reached 'their stop' as he called it, they were left by a hotel, which they bypassed in favor of the shadowed alley the next street over. Seras' tense shoulders relaxed slightly as they found it empty, and a portal opened beneath their feet.

When the red tinged darkness melted back into whence it came Seras squealed with glee at the sight of the beach. It was so pretty! The sands were glowing under the moon and the water sparkled like diamonds. Plopping her bag down she dove headfirst into the depths to retrieve her swimsuit. Casting a glance over her shoulder at her Sire, she glared at him until he turned his back to her, smirking. Having speed changing down to an art form, the fledgling was out of her clothes and in her one piece suit in one instant, and running down the beach the next.

Alucard picked up her bag and strolled closer to the sands, kicking a pile together to form a nice backrest, he lounged on the abandoned beach, watching his fledgling frolic in the waves.

"Hey, Master!" She called after body surfing in on a large wave, laughing and wiping the salt water drenched hair from her face, "do you know how to surf?"

"Do I really strike you as the surfing type, Police Babe?" He answered, amusement coloring his voice, a book on his lap.

Seras shrugged, bending over to pick up some shells, "Well, anything's possible, Master."

He chuckled darkly, agreeing with her.

An hour passed peacefully until the little blonde screamed bloody murder and scrambled up the beach, being chased by an army of little red crabs. "Master!"

He laughed hysterically at her, "Only you could manage to be attacked by crabs, fledgling."

The petite Draculina took shelter behind his sand mound, peering out over his shoulder at the mob of crustaceans, "I didn't **do** anything, though!" He snorted, and struck his heel to the sand, a perimeter of shadows writhing to life around them, and the little army beat a hasty retreat back into the waves. Marking his place in the book, he stood and turned to face the sheepish blonde, brow arched. "I think we've had enough fun at the beach for one night, don't you?"

Ducking her head in shame, she nodded, mumbling a "yes Master" before reaching for her bag to towel herself dry and changing back into her comfortable travel wear.

Humoring the girl, he again turned his back so she could change in 'privacy', and admired the moon's reflection on the rolling water.

"Where're we going next, Master?" Seras questioned as she pulled her shirt over her head, "Are we going to use shadows to get there or a car? Sir gave us a card to use for rentals."

He considered this for a moment before shrugging, "Perhaps we'll use a car, I haven't been to the states in a good century or so, it'll be interesting to see what's changed."

Seras cheered quietly, cherubic face lit with delight, "I was hoping you'd say that!" She pulled her special night vision camera from her bag and draped the strap around her neck, "I promised Walter pictures," she grinned, winking conspiratorially at her Sire. He snorted and nodded, waving his hand towards the city, "Well then, Police Girl, I'll let you pick the car. But if you pick something stupid, or girly, I'll make you ride in the trunk." His threat was spoken casually, but she knew he'd do it, and she pouted, nodding. "Yes, Master."

An hour later had the pair driving down the highway, Seras had volunteered to take the wheel, but after a block of her needing the constant reminder that 'Americans drive on the _right_ side, Police Girl' her Master had taken over. She didn't mind, really, it gave her a better chance for the right pictures.

"The stars look different here, Master." Seras hummed, craning her neck back to stare out the window at the sky, he grunted in agreement. "What are the stars like where you're from, Master?" Seras questioned, tipping her head up to peer at her Sire curiously. He shot her a look over his amber lenses and she huffed, "You've got to tell me one of these days!"

"Says who?" He mocked, reaching out to tug her hair, "I'm the Master here, Police Girl."

Seras swatted at him half heartedly, "I could ask Sir Integra, she'd tell me."

"But you won't," he purred, sounding smug, "you want to hear it from **me**."

Seras threw up her hands in disgust and stayed quiet, taking pictures of anything that caught her eye.

After a moment she squirmed around in her seat to reach for her bag, unzipping it and digging one of her thermoses out. Turning the cylinder curiously she smirked when she spotted Walter's graceful scrawl on the lid; _**'O+'**_

Pulling off the cup-cap, she sniffed appreciatively at the blood, then hummed in thought as she eyed the car's heater, then her Master. "No," he replied to her unasked question, "it'd start to coagulate before it got warm enough."

Seras sighed, puffing at her bangs before nodding obediently and tipping her head back to greedily guzzle the still-chilled crimson liquid. Warm tingles raced through her body and she practically moaned as the spicy blood filled her to bursting. Before she could fully gorge herself on it, the thermos was gone and her Master had finished the last third of it, "Hey!" Seras protested, lips strained with red, "I was drinking that."

"And I've learned not to let you finish one of them yourself, or you get blood drunk," he countered calmly, holding the steering wheel steady with his knees as he snatched the lid, screwed it on, and tossed the empty thermos into the back seat.

Seras huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "At least I waited until we were in the car…"

"Because that makes it so much better, Police Girl," he mocked, "the only other source of blood here is **me**, and we both know you wouldn't dare."

"Still got more in the bag…" Seras muttered, sinking lower in her seat in a sulky slump. After she started drinking the blood, she had a tendency to eyeball any neck in the vicinity until the immediate 'high' of drinking wore off and her greedy gut remembered it was full. She blamed her Sire for her inner vampire's ravenous blood lust.

Silence filled the car – which, by the way, was a very nice one; a Crown Victoria, which had made Seras giggle when she spotted it – until the blonde turned her head and spotted a Ferris Wheel. Enraptured, she rolled down the window and took a few pictures, just leaning on the door and staring at the lighted wheel.

"No," he countered before she could even ask, "I let you play on the beach already, Police Girl."

"But-"

"Do you want to ride in the trunk?"

Shoulders slumping, the poor abused fledgling sighed and decided to dig around in her bag for her laptop – a much sturdier brand than average, so that she needn't fear breaking it on accident – to pass the time with the coloring pages she'd found online.

'Master's so mean.'

* * *

Seras woke with a start when her laptop fell to the footwell, realizing that she'd dozed off. Groaning and stretching, she ruffled her blonde locks and looked around curiously; fields of cotton swayed enticingly in the breeze and she could see a quaint little farmhouse up ahead. "Is that where we're going, Master?"

She didn't think he'd know a farmer!

He snorted in amusement at her thoughts, nodding, "For the past fifty years or so he's lived in the states on a cow farm."

Seras giggled at the thought of some sort of immortal creature raising cattle. In fact, she could hear them mooing now!

"What's your friend like, Master?"

He didn't answer for so long that she thought he'd ignore her, and she sighed grumpily as she picked up her fallen portable computer, putting it into sleep mode and stuffing it back into her bag. When they arrived, she cooed in admiration at the lovely white house across the way from the red barn, a very well kept Victorian era model if she wasn't mistaken.

"Renfield is an enigma." Is all her Master said as he got out of the car, and she blinked multiple times before scurrying after him. "Renfield, as in the man in the book? Master!"

"Enigma? Well that's a step-up from the last name you called me," a suave, cheery voice rang out amidst the ceaseless background song of cicadas.

"You've been upgraded," Alucard answered, tones laced with vicious amusement.

"But we haven't talked since I left the country," Renfield started, brows arching over his thick framed round glasses, mussed brown hair falling into his face. Seras was amazed to find him the same height as her Master, the only other man she'd seen matching her Sire's intimidating stature was Alexander Anderson, but this man, Renfield, did not emanate the same menacing aura as the other two; in fact he seemed almost like that kindly librarian she met once.

"Exactly," Alucard laughed.

"You don't look like the Renfields in the movies," was the first thing out of Seras' mouth and she flushed bright red, clapping her hands to her face in mortification at the _looks_ sent her way from the two men.

"Well, clearly, you need to see the plays, young lady." Renfield countered good naturedly as Alucard sneered at her and reached out to cuff her. She squeaked and hopped backwards, only to trip over her own feet and land on her arse in the grass. Groaning, she looked up, and squeaked again when she realized she was staring nose-to-muzzle with a cow!

"Police Girl, you're the only clumsy vampire I know, and that is _not_ a compliment." Her Master grumbled as his fledgling scrambled up to her feet, then stared at the cow before reaching out to pet it.

"Bossie likes to be scratched behind the ears," Renfield hummed helpfully as he retrieved his silver broom from the other side of the door and began to sweep the dust off the porch. Seras obeyed and giggled when the pretty cream and brown cow nuzzled her stomach.

"So, what brings you to the states anyways? It can't be for want of my company." Renfield sounded so calm and sure of himself and Seras peered over at the two to find him leaning on his broom as he eyed Alucard thoughtfully. The crimson clad vampire shrugged, "Perhaps I was feeling nostalgic," he suggested with a grin, and Seras' brow arched a bit. First whimsy in the case of turning her into a night walker, then nostalgia. Her Master was on a roll here! Two different "human" emotions in the same five years. It must be a record.

'_**I heard that.'**_

She jumped guiltily and pretended not to have heard as she focused on petting the soft pelt of the friendly moo-cow. Renfield laughed.

"Well then, won't you come inside for tea?"

Seras' brows arched. _Tea?_ Really.

But they were vampires, they could only drink blood!

"I prefer wine." Alucard did not sound amused.

"Fresh out of that, you drunkard."

Seras gasped at the lanky man's audacity. Alucard snorted and chuckled blackly, "Still holding that grudge?"

Renfield sniffed haughtily, "That asylum was ridiculously pest free, I could hardly get a proper meal. If it weren't for your-" Alucard cleared his throat meaningfully and flicked his gaze to Seras who tried not to make it obvious she was listening to every word.

The man rolled his grey eyes behind his spectacles and nodded, opening the door with his foot, "Are you coming in or aren't you?"

Alucard gives the man a look, and Seras flicks her gaze between them before Renfield leads the way and Alucard follows, Seras trailing the furthest behind, after petting the cow one last time.

"Now that the pleasantries are over with," – Seras wondered what pleasantries – "down to the business at hand; you've been holding something for me. I want it back."

"Oh?" He tilted his head, looking like an strange, overgrown puppy. Then his eyes lit up. "Ohh." He eyed Seras warily, who blinked at him. The corners of his mouth turned into a frown for the first time and he looked away, clearing his throat. "Ah-yes, _that_ thing. Well, I still have it, but, erm..." He raised his shoulders in a shrug, looking pointedly at the blonde.

"What?" Seras demanded, then turned to her Master, hands on her hips, scowling, "What is he talking about Master?"

The dark haired Nosferatu eyed her speculatively before smirking, leering at her suggestively, "Police Girl, be a good little fledgling and stay here, hmm?"

"What?" She sputtered, staring at him and rubbing at the goosebumps on the backs of her arms.

He arched a brow at her, twirling his finger and she shrieked as she felt invisible tendrils pulling her to face the chair opposite him, and he walked his fingers through the air, marching his fledgling over to the overstuffed green monstrosity before pushing with his palm out and shoving her into place where she proceeded to shout profanity at him as he laughed crudely at her and stared meaningfully at Renfield, "You were saying?"

"Well then," Renfield chuckled, looking sympathetically at the struggling fledgling. "I'll just go fetch it for you then, hmm?"

"If you'd be so kind," Alucard purred, tone menacing through the veneer of politeness. The lanky brunet vanished into the depths of his house, and Seras found that she couldn't detect his footsteps after a gloved hand calmly wrapped itself around her mouth, squeezing painfully until she quit her noise. Pinned in place by the unseen force, and unable to voice her protests or curiosity, the petite blonde stewed in her unhappiness over the predicament until the man reappeared at the doorway, refusing to take another step closer.

Alucard grunted and moved away from Seras to retrieve whatever it was that was so shrouded in mystery. "This is why I don't take vacations, fledglings are such nosy creatures." He spoke casually, almost teasingly, but Seras knew he was also at least partially serious, and she squirmed uncomfortably in her confiemnet.

"Mm, quite."

Alucard turned back to the girl, tucking something firmly into his coat, and he arched a brow at her inquisitive look before snapping his fingers and freeing her. "We're leaving in an hour, Police Girl. Go amuse yourself."

Seras scrambled to her feet and hurried out the door, shouting over her shoulder; "Yes, Master."

She was going to take refuge from his temper outside, and maybe pet the nice cow some more, her nose was so soft and velvety… Seras giggled at the thought of asking Sir Integra to let her adopt a cow. The mental image of the look on the older blonde's face made her sides hurt from holding back her giggle fit.

"Hellsing is not a farm, Agent Victoria," Seras whispered, and snickered, wondering what Walter would say if she asked him about it first.

It might be worth it.


End file.
